The Minnesota Twins are a Bunch of Silly Gooses

**I must apologize. If you are a reader of my previous blog you likely don’t care in the least about any sort of baseball analysis I have to offer. But oh, we are in the midst of such excitement! I could not resist. **

On the eve of the deciding playoff it seems the Minnesota Puntos are slightly better than what the average projection algorithm deemed them to be at the start of the season. And this is indeed wonderful, because simultaneously, the Detroit Oldfatuglyfucks, Cleveland Cavaliers or something, Chicago Bleach Jobs, and Kansas City Special Needs Kids, all simultaneously performed at or slightly below their projections.

And that, friends, is all that baseball is; teams performance slightly varying off of their mathematical expectations.

So that’s what resulted in the Puntos making what has been deemed an improbable, historic comeback.

It’s that that has resulted in the aforementioned uglyfucks epic “collapse” with 4 games remaining.

In the 4th to last game of the season, Detroit started this awkward looking fellow against the Twins best starter, Scottsworth W. Baker. Well duh those desperate Puntos had to win that game, didn’t they?

In the 3rd to last game of the season, the oldfatfucks had to face this man:


You don’t win against a guy who takes Jagerbombs like that.

Meanwhile the Puntos faced Lenny DiNardo. THE Lenny DiNardo.

The second to last game of the season, the obesealzheimerspatients decided to pitch rookie Alfredo Figaro the cat against the Chicago Jagerchamps. Chicken alfredo lasted less than 2 innings.

Meanwhile, the Lil’ Nickies faced God. God’s only weakness is a dose of Punto power. God walked the Twins 10th leading hitter, our team’s amiable namesake, to lead off the 6th inning. A bunt, an out and then who should come to the plate but Minnesota’s own OTHER GOD. An epic battle has not been seen since my Snorlax defeated Lance’s Dragonite to become Pokemon League Champion (..or would have been, but had one more challenge ahead). Anyway, hitting God defeating pitching God and the Puntos prevailed.

In the last game of the season, the Detroit Andyrooneys actually won. You can’t really blame them for that.

And that’s why this epic Detroit collapse and Punto resurgence was planned all along. Because based on logic and concrete mathematics, it had to happen.

*This post was, of course, only half serious. Here’s a diatribe explaining my point from a serious baseball perpective. Since most of you probably aren’t reading my blog for its baseball related content, you can turn away now.*

Basically what I’m saying is that these turn of events were caused by pitching matchups favoring one team over the other. It’s true, no team has ever come back from a 3 game deficit with 4 to play to win a division, but in this case the probability was raised higher by the Tigers relying on the performance of pitchers like Alfredo Figaro, Nate Robertson, Luke Hochevar and Lenny DiNardo¬† in games of importance. All of those pitching performances were awful (And you can add Edwin Jackson’s 8 run catastrophe in there as well). The one outlier was, of course, Zack Greinke, (God). He lost (Well since the Royals did tie the game againt the Twins bullpen, it was Dusty Hughes who technically “lost”) despite him being the best pitcher currently alive and playing professional baseball. And THAT could very likely be the reason the Minnesota Twins make the playoffs at such long odds. That was the one pitching matchup that didn’t favor the Twins over the Tigers in their respective games.

Returning to my first point, the average projections based soley on pitching matchups would have had the Tigers losing 3 of 4, which they did, and the Twins winning 3 of 4. They exceeded that projection by one win (Against Greinke), and here we have a playoff game!


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